Dear Mom,
2 weeks ago today it would have been your 59th birthday! I can't even imagine you being that old. Thinking about how you were 50 when you passed away gave me some insight into just how long you have been gone. I wonder what you spend your time doing these days, I wonder about how you feel. Yesterday was mother's day and dad called me and I missed it so he left me a message. He told me to remember you and to pray for you. At first, I thought it might be strange to pray for you, but who knows, you just might need some prayers. So I will be praying for you.
I think some people expect mother's day to be hard for me since I lost my mother at such a tender age. Somehow it isn't though. While I miss you something dreadful, and though I wish you were physically involved in my life, I have so much peace regarding your passing that thinking of you really no longer brings pain. Sure, in quiet moments, moments when life is rough and I wish I could call you, I feel some pain then, but in general I don't.
I am in the middle of my last term of classes at BYU right now. I have no motivation. I am so pass ready to move on from this stage of life. I want to start a family, I want to graduate, I want to move on in life. I should find encouragement in this last and final stretch, but I have none. I am tired of watching people who are younger than me finish school before me. I am tired of watching people who got married after me having children before me. I am tired of watching other people move on and not moving on myself. I need something new. Thank heavens we will be in Seattle this summer because I already don't know how I will be able to stand staying in Provo until August 2013. At least when we get back from Seattle we will have only 1 year left here. I hope that Philip graduates then and gets a job. I know he wants to go straight into a master's program, but we need money. So badly. At that time I will graduate and need to pay back student loans. And we want to pay those back as soon as possible anyways. Who knows if I will be able to work before we leave Provo, and so if Philip could have employment right after we leave that would be amazing. I think it would be ideal if Philip worked for 2-3 years before getting a masters. In that time we could pay off our undergrad loans, start saving for retirement, start saving for grad school, start saving for children's college funds, etc. I just need to have more faith and trust in the Lord.
I love you and miss you.
Love,
Jenepher Kaye
2 weeks ago today it would have been your 59th birthday! I can't even imagine you being that old. Thinking about how you were 50 when you passed away gave me some insight into just how long you have been gone. I wonder what you spend your time doing these days, I wonder about how you feel. Yesterday was mother's day and dad called me and I missed it so he left me a message. He told me to remember you and to pray for you. At first, I thought it might be strange to pray for you, but who knows, you just might need some prayers. So I will be praying for you.
I think some people expect mother's day to be hard for me since I lost my mother at such a tender age. Somehow it isn't though. While I miss you something dreadful, and though I wish you were physically involved in my life, I have so much peace regarding your passing that thinking of you really no longer brings pain. Sure, in quiet moments, moments when life is rough and I wish I could call you, I feel some pain then, but in general I don't.
I am in the middle of my last term of classes at BYU right now. I have no motivation. I am so pass ready to move on from this stage of life. I want to start a family, I want to graduate, I want to move on in life. I should find encouragement in this last and final stretch, but I have none. I am tired of watching people who are younger than me finish school before me. I am tired of watching people who got married after me having children before me. I am tired of watching other people move on and not moving on myself. I need something new. Thank heavens we will be in Seattle this summer because I already don't know how I will be able to stand staying in Provo until August 2013. At least when we get back from Seattle we will have only 1 year left here. I hope that Philip graduates then and gets a job. I know he wants to go straight into a master's program, but we need money. So badly. At that time I will graduate and need to pay back student loans. And we want to pay those back as soon as possible anyways. Who knows if I will be able to work before we leave Provo, and so if Philip could have employment right after we leave that would be amazing. I think it would be ideal if Philip worked for 2-3 years before getting a masters. In that time we could pay off our undergrad loans, start saving for retirement, start saving for grad school, start saving for children's college funds, etc. I just need to have more faith and trust in the Lord.
I love you and miss you.
Love,
Jenepher Kaye
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